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Annoying Mother's Day Music


Mother's Day is coming. The day in which we reflect on all those things that a mother means to us. Odes, poems, songs and several lawsuits have been written about mothers through the ages. But what about mothers to be?

(Soundbite of song I Want To Be A Mother)

Unidentified Woman: (Singing) When I grow up I want to be a mother and have a family, one little, two little, three little babies of my own.

SIMON: That didn't convince anyone. Jim Nayder, the host of The Annoying Music Show, brings just the wrong tone to Mother's Day.

Jim, welcome back to the program. How are you?

Mr. JIM NAYDER (Host, The Annoying Music Show): I'm not great, Scott. I feel like I just ate a bunch of avian flu McNuggets.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. NAYDER: And the spicy Tamiflu sauce didn't help matters, either.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SIMON: Well, a lot of people order them just because of the sauce. What are we listening to?

Mr. NAYDER: This is I Want To Be A Mother, the title track from the Mormon Kids Sing album.

(Soundbite of I Want To Be A Mother)

Unidentified Woman: (Singing) And you will say each sister and each brother will look a lot like me, four little, five little, six little blessings from above.

SIMON: What other songs can you honor us with?

Mr. NAYDER: Well, Scott, I always ask, it's Mother's Day, what makes it so special? In fact, what makes every mom so very special? What is it as a parent a mom has that a father doesn't? And why, in fact, do I keep a picture of your spouse in my wallet?

(Soundbite of song)

Ms. KRISTIN LEMS (Singer): (Singing) Mammary glands...

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. LEMS: (Singing) ...Oh! Oh! Mother Nature's dairy delight. You can't make cream or butter cause it's just a human udder, a natural mammalian sight.

SIMON: Actually, Jim. My wife keeps a restraining order on you in her wallet.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SIMON: This is actually a song that someone recorded? That someone wrote?

(Soundbite of laughter)

(Soundbite of song)

Ms. LEMS: (Singing) You want to pay to take a peek at what drives men insane? Well they're in anthro books galore and I'm just sure that you'll adore them. Even cave women have the same, two simple mammary glands. Oh, my. Oh.

SIMON: Oh, my. Oh.

(Soundbite of song)

Ms. LEMS: (Singing) ...Mother Nature's dairy delight. You can't make cream or butter cause it's just a human udder, a natural mammalian sight.

SIMON: Larry Flynt wouldn't like this song. Who wrote it?

Mr. NAYDER: That's an outstanding singer/songwriter from the Midwest, Kristin Lems. And she really is a great talent. And her Mammary Glands is always requested by our listeners at this time of year.

SIMON: Is it serious? Is she serious?

Mr. NAYDER: No. I mean, this is one of her novelty songs. And overall her songs are really tremendous folksongs and she's a great performer. But, you know, this song hits a nerve.

(Soundbite of chuckling)

SIMON: Yeah. Well, that's one way of putting it. I'd say so. Let me ask you about a song that a lot of people don't like under any circumstance, but by a great songwriter and singer, Paul Anka. Of course the song is Having My Baby.

Mr. NAYDER: Yes.

SIMON: There are cover versions of Having My Baby?

Mr. NAYDER: Yes. And you're right. We played, in the very early days of The Annoying Music Show we played the Paul Anka version. But we found -- we did find a cover version that even put Paul to shame.

(Soundbite of Having My Baby)

PIRANHA MAN: (Singing) Having my baby, What a lovely way of saying how much you love me, Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying what you are thinking of me. I can see it. Your face is glowing.


(Soundbite of laughter)


Mr. NAYDER: Yes, Scott.

SIMON: The man -- and I don't know the man who's singing this song. I will ask you the question. But my immediate impression that someone who sings like this would have to go in vitro fertilization...

(Soundbite of laughter)

SIMON: ...to be able to become a father.

Mr. NAYDER: This is Piranha Man from Pakistan, one of our most requested unpopular artists. And if anything, he's heartfelt.

SIMON: Well, does he have the nuclear bomb?

(Soundbite of laughter)

SIMON: Because that's the only way he'd permitted a singing career. I gather that you have another tune in the old quiver there from somebody else who's been a feature performer.

Mr. NAYDER: Yes. Although I cherish Mother's Day because it reminds me of Woodrow Wilson. I think most are moved tomorrow by the...

SIMON: Can we go back for just a second? Mother's Day reminds you of Woodrow Wilson.

Mr. NAYDER: Woodrow Wilson was the president that officially declared that the second Sunday of May, Mother's Day.

SIMON: Oh, okay. Personally, Mother's Day reminds me of Mohammed Ali Jinnah, who was the first President of Pakistan.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SIMON: I don't as he declared Mother's Day in Pakistan. But I also think he probably didn't declare anti-Mother's Day, so I like to let that stand. But go ahead. I interrupt you.

Mr. NAYDER: Scott, whatever moves you and me does not move most other people. But I think most are moved by the unconditional love of that son or daughter. Even if a six year old son is in The Annoying Music Show Witness Protection Program.

(Soundbite of The Annoying Music Show)

Unidentified Child: This song is dedicated to my mom.

(Singing) Did you ever know that you're my hero and everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle, 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

SIMON: If this young man who's recording it was six, did he ever get to seven, Jim?

(Soundbite of chuckling)

SIMON: Seems to me there might have been a lot of interest in interrupting that process.

Mr. NAYDER: And FEMA thought Katrina packed a lot of wind.

(Soundbite of laughter)

(Soundbite of telephone ringing)

Mr. NAYDER: Sorry, I left my phone on. I'll let the machine get it here.

(Soundbite of answering machine message)

Ms. BRITNEY SPEARS (Singer): (On message) Hi. This is Britney Spears. And sometimes my friend can't come to the phone. And this is one of those times. So leave a message at the beep and baby, they'll call you back one more time. And thanks for calling.

(Singing) Hit me baby one more time.

Mr. NAYDER: Jim, it's Britney. Please have Scott call me. I have something urgent to tell him.

(Soundbite of telephone hanging up)

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. NAYDER: Scott, you better call Britney.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. NAYDER: I think she has a Mother's Day surprise for you. It's 11th time she's called this morning.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SIMON: Oh, well, my gosh. That would explain all the calls from my attorney, wouldn't it? Thank you. All right, I'll...

(Soundbite of laughter)

SIMON: I'm told that for our last song -- is it the last song, Jim?

Mr. NAYDER: It's up to you. I've got a couple of hours' worth.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. NAYDER: It's totally up to you. It's your show, I guess.

SIMON: All right. I have been told that, at least the song that we'll listen to now which might coincide with the end of our time together, is from an artist that nobody would call annoying under any circumstance.

Mr. NAYDER: This gets right under the limbo pole of annoying. And I think it's because the Chairman of the Board was making up the words as he goes along.

(Soundbite of Frank Sinatra singing Mrs. Robinson)

Mr. FRANK SINATRA (Singer): (Singing) The PTA, Mrs. Robinson won't okay the way you do your thing. Ding. Ding. Ding. And you'll get yours, Mrs. Robinson, fooling with that young stuff like you do...

SIMON: Oh, my word.

(Soundbite of Mrs. Robinson)

Mr. SINATRA (Singer): (Singing) Boo, hoo, hoo. Woo, woo, woo.

SIMON: You know, the greatest popular singer of all time and the Nelson Riddle Orchestra can't do everything for a song, now can it?

Mr. NAYDER: Perfect for Mother's Day.

SIMON: Mrs. Robinson?

Mr. NAYDER: Everyone's favorite mother.

SIMON: Jim, it's going to, I don't mind tell you, Mother's Day is going to be a little bit brighter because of you.

Mr. NAYDER: Scott, I only wish you were having my baby. I love you.

SIMON: I love you, too, Jim. And they're doing a lot of remarkable things in the laboratories these days, so let's not rule it out, all right? Jim, nice talking to you. Or almost. Listen, Happy Mother's Day to your lovely wife, Laurie, who is the mother of your lovely daughter, Blair Jamie.

Mr. NAYDER: And same to you and yours, Scott. Caroline and Elise.

SIMON: And Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers...

(Soundbite of laughter)

SIMON: Sounds worse than I thought. You know what I mean.

Mr. NAYDER: I think you should use it.

SIMON: Jim Nayder is host of The Annoying Music Show.

Mr. NAYDER: Let's bring Frank up.

SIMON: Host of The Annoying Music Show, which is produced out of WBEZ in Chicago. Still because of a major accounting error.

(Soundbite of Mrs. Robinson) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.