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Commentary: The Orwell Awards

By Gary Earl Ross

Buffalo, NY – Welcome to the League of Nations Museum in beautiful downtown Schenectady. For those just tuning in, you are listening to the final segment of this year's Orwell Awards, given in remembrance of Animal Farm and 1984. Unlike other awards ceremonies, Orwell candidates are not nominated in specific categories but placed in a general pool from which all winners are selected. Among those who have already won a Golden Piglet this year are names familiar to NPR listeners: Sharon, Arafat, Lukashenko, Mugabe, Rumsfeld.

Next up is the Boxer Award, named for the simple but noble horse who did most of the labor on Animal Farm and believed Napoleon was always right. But Napoleon sold him to the horse slaughterer when he was too ill to work further. This year's Boxer goes to British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

Now it's time for the Newspeak Doublethink Award from 1984, given for the feeling you get when leaders require you to believe the absurd. The winner is Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge for a color-coded alert system similar to that of Starfleet Command and an Orange Alert suggestion that proves duct tape really is the Force. It has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together.

No surprise for the 2003 Thoughtcrime Award, which goes to the United Nations for covering their copy of Picasso's antiwar mural Guernica during the recent presentation by Colin Powell. No one should be distracted by the horrors of war while contemplating going to war.

Moses the raven preached of Sugarcandy Mountain, where animals went when they died. The winner, in absentia, of the Moses the Raven Award is Osama bin Laden, who has convinced thousands that the path to paradise in the afterlife is homicidal mania in this one. Accepting for Mr. bin Laden is Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia.

And now we're down to the top three. First up is the Big Brother Award, named for the man who is watching you. The BB goes to Attorney General John Ashcroft, for the Patriot Act, Part Two. Having already won a Bradbury 451 and a Brave New Huxley, Ashcroft becomes the first winner of the Dystopian Triple Crown.

Next comes the Napoleon, named for the pig dictator in Animal Farm. This year we have a tie! Saddam Hussein of Iraq, who faced no opponent and won re-election with 100 percent of the popular vote, and Kim Jong Il of North Korea, who was so offended by the latest Pierce Brosnan-James Bond movie that he continues to dress like Blofeld from the Connery days. The Golden Piglets will be placed near the feet of the statues both men have erected to their own glory.

And now for the Grand Orwellian, awarded for upholding the principles of permanent war, shifting alliances, information control, and the notion that while all of us are equal, some of us are more equal than others. This year, for submitting a budget with record deficits while proposing tax cuts that benefit the rich, for promoting an unbudgeted war with a fifth rate power we armed in the first place, for vowing to leave no child behind unless skin color is the thing that will help that child catch up, for... Wait! Get your hands off me! Who do you think you are? You can't do this to me! [click of handcuffs] Ouch! Not so tight. Yes. Yes. I confess.

Gary Earl Ross, an associate professor at the UB Educational Opportunity Center, is the Arts Council's 2003 Individual Artist of the Year. His latest book is Shimmerville, Tales Macabre and Curious.